Deflection

Sarah reread the email for the third time, nibbling lightly on her lower lip.

"Have you ever used or wanted to use those methods on me?"

It was a simple question, and one which shouldn't have had her gnawing on her own lip, and finger nails, and pencil, and everything else within reach. And yet, she was suddenly overcome with confusion.

The question had been asked by Nate - her friend, confidante, and last-semester psychology professor. And it was in regards to deflection methods. Perhaps because of Sarah's drug addicted mother, or alcoholic father who loved visiting her room at night, or maybe it was because of the trading an hour with Sarah for drugs that her parents often found a workable deal with their friends... whatever it was, Sarah grew up knowing better than to let anyone get close to her. Even though she was removed from the home when she was fourteen, and ended up in a loving, wonderful home, the scars were still there, as were the lessons learned.

Nate had immediately found the young woman intriguing. She was witty and fun, dark and twisted, loving and sensitive, but always guarded. While they hadn't known each other long, Sarah had found herself being able to open up to Nate about her past, and what she'd been through. He was deeply religious, and philosophical, and of course, loved to break things down on a psychological level as well. Any one of these would have had Sarah running in the opposite direction had it been anyone else.

Although she was no longer his student, Nate loved to have deep conversations with her. Unfortunately, because of their schedules, the chance to have these conversations were few and far between. So, they would write lengthy emails back and forth. The latest conversation  between the two of them was centered on Sarah, and her subconscious ability to deflect. She had written him all the ways she kept people at bay, including acting dark and twisted to frighten people away; seducing men to avoid them getting close to her emotionally, and a few others.

"Have you ever used or wanted to use those methods on me?"

Sarah thought back to all the times she'd watched him in class, and would have to cross her arms over her chest to hide the evident tightening. All the times she would sit in his office, discussing something deep and meaningful, and she'd miss most of what he said because she was staring at his scruffy cheeks, his dark eyes, and his very kissable lips. All the times he'd hug her for comfort and she had wanted to press her hips against him. But, she never really pursued anything with him. He had a fiancee, plus had such strong religious beliefs. She respected that and therefore never gave a physical relationship with him another thought. Well, no other thoughts other than wishing he'd push her up against a wall and kiss her until her legs got weak.

She contemplated lying to him and saying "Nope, never even thought of it", but she had never lied to him. She wasn't about to start now. So, she started typing.

"I haven't a clue," she hammered onto the keyboard. "I will admit I have had a desire to kiss you, and touch you, but I don't know if it's me trying to keep you emotionally distant, or because I do want to be with you.."

After sending the email, Sarah took a long shower, allowing the water to soothe her confused mind. His question still bothered her. She truly didn't know the answer to his question, other than what she sent him for a response. She stood under the stream for so long, the water was beginning to cool.  Just as she climbed out of the shower, she heard a knock on her front door. Grabbing a fluffy short robe from the back of the bathroom door, she quickly tied the belt and opened the door.

"Nate!" Her face grew flushed. Though happy to see him, the earlier email was still weighing heavily on her mind.

Nate smiled, entering the room and closing the door behind him. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Not at all. Just got done with a shower, and was contemplating sitting around and watching a movie, or wasting my life away on my computer." Nate chuckled, knowing Sarah had a slight addiction to her computer. "Did you need something?"

Nate hesitated for a moment, looking deeply at Sarah. After a few moments, he moved his hands to the sleeves of the soft, plush robe. Gazing softly and intently into her baby blue eyes, he leaned in close, covering her lips with his own in a hesitant kiss. A slight moan from Sarah prompted him to tease her lips until they parted, allowing him to explore her mouth. He darted his tongue against hers, his hands slipping around behind her back, pulling her closer at the same time she leaned into hims.

Sarah felt like she was in heaven. She had no control over her body as it pressed up tight against him. She whimpered into his kiss, her tongue dancing with his. Her fingers slid under his sweater, dancing over his stomach and chest, then moving to entwine themselves in his hair, pulling him tighter to her lips.

Reality slowly set in. Nate pulled back slowly, still holding her in his arms. They both took shaky breaths. As Sarah's mind started to clear, she looked up questioningly at Nate.

Nate knew she was curious why he kissed her - would want to know what was going on. He tenderly brushed his fingers over her cheek.

"So...are you trying to keep me emotionally distant, or do you really want to be with me?"